


Never Enough

by diamond9697



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s15e18 Despair, M/M, POV Dean Winchester, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamond9697/pseuds/diamond9697
Summary: Dean's thoughts during THAT scene, because I'm getting tired of people giving him shit for his 'lack of reaction'.  The dude had about five minutes to process ALL of what was happening.  Give him a break already.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 96





	Never Enough

I should have fucking realized it from the beginning. Of course it was Chuck. The bastard made whole universes disappear after all, so why not here too. I was just so damn sure it was Billie after everything, but I was wrong. Again. Now everyone is gonna die and we won't even be there with them. I fucking failed them, and Cas, and basically the whole damn world. I'm so damn sorry for never being enough and letting everyone down and...

_“There is...something she's afraid of...there's...one thing...strong enough to stop her.”_

Wait, something strong enough to stop even Death? Other than the scythe? Maybe there's a slim chance we can at least be with everyone else if they aren't already gone...

_“I made a deal...”_

The fuck? Damn it, Cas. You know how that shit ends better than almost anyone.

_“The price was my life...”_

No. Not again. There has to be a way around it somehow. Maybe a bargain of some kind or...

Wait, we're about to die and you're telling me this now? What the fuck does it even matter at this point? We're going to die anyway.

_“I wondered...what it could be...what...what my true happiness could even look like...”_

Death is literally at the door and you're starting to scare me here. What's this got to do with anything and why are you going on about this deal and true happiness right now, when everything is going to shit as we speak. We do not have time for this kind of...

_“I know...I know how you see yourself, Dean...”_

The fuck? Why are you going on about this, Cas? Why remind me of all this shit now? I don't need to be hearing about my fucking feelings from you when I'm trying to deal with...

_“Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love...”_

I can't process this right now, Cas. I can't...deal with this...it's too much...I...don't...I'm not what you think I am. I'm a mess. A failure. You put too much faith in me and I'm just going to let you down again, and I've already gotten you killed so...so many times...just...don't...”

_“You changed me, Dean.”_

I don't understand why you're telling me all this now...unless...

_“Because it is.”_

I don't know what you're planning, but I am not about to let you...

_“I love you.”_

What? No. Not here. Not like this, just...no. I can't...what the fuck...I...there's not enough...I...what...please...just...she's coming...it's coming...I...

_“Goodbye, Dean.”_

Wait, what? What are you...what...what's going on...wha...Cas? No...no...nonononono...

There...wasn't...wasn't enough time to...

I love you too...


End file.
